First off I would like to start out by apologizing for my last post. I would especially like to extend my apology to the Muslims of Vatican City and to my hairstylist Rofaldo.
Now. Why do I have a box of rusty slutty nails at the bottom of my stairs? I mean its an obvious safety risk.I believe, to be entirely true, that the nails are multiplying amongst themselves. There were but 100 rusty old hand made nails in the box ( truth be told it is some kid of jar, perhaps for glue or paint thinner). It was in the middle of the night about a month ago when I was walking down the stairs to my kitchen for a gin and tonic that I happened upon a nail on the step. My bare foot upon the nail, I jumped forward in pain falling in a sprawl on the tile below. I went back (now suffering form great hurt) to see why the nail was on the step and to my shock I saw the jar so full that there was indeed no room for this one lonely nail. They were growing. I new it and now their numbers had grown so large that there was not even room for their own. A mass of procreation. The whores, those slutty nails and their uncontrollable urges had pushed their very existence to the brink of destruction and now I am paying the cost. I could move them. I should move them, but I wont. Why? because I have a dentist appointment, and my shoes are to big, and leaving you with that I must go. It's nearly 4 o'clock.
Perhaps you have an opposite of a robber, a placer. Yes, Dane Cook was not lying in a Vicious Circle, they are vicious and they like to mess with your head. At first you think every thing is natural but when you discover these newly placed objects you think that something was misplaced or worse, "STOLEN!" I mean seriously why would somebody do such a thing its not like they are at your house to watch your misery (or are they?) I swear the next time i hear of these punks i will find where they live and i will place so much useless stuff in their house that they will be the next person on the show Hoarders. But anyways, I advise you get a bigger jar band place a gate in front of your stairs so that when this placer comes back he trips on the gate alerting you of the situation at hand giving you time to react to the happening and catch him red handed. If you do not have a gate, set up a sensor switch in front of your doors and put shot guns facing the ground above each door and triggers that react to the sensor switch that causes the gun to be shot harming (most likely killing) your criminal. Or you can just put a pile of cans in front of each door and when he opens the door it will make much noise.
ReplyDelete